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- Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends, if they're OK, you're it.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
- If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
- COROLLARY : If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Paul's law: You can't fall off the floor.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
- Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
- Law of Probability Dipersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
- Suplement: a .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.